World Vision Youth Amassador

WATCH US LEAD 

Last week, I received a parcel from World Vision Youth Canada. I couldn’t be more delighted when I saw what’s inside the parcel, a welcome kit for youth ambassador! The word awesome became too shallow when I dig deep into the thoughts written on cards and stickers.

Certainly, it made me more enthusiastic about planning my impact project. I already have a lot of plans (as usual) but I’m thinking about how to put it into action (I’ll get there anyways). I’m trying to make it simple but interactive. By just thinking of gathering all my resources to make this happen, is already making me excited. I just hope all the odds will be in my favour.

 WE WILL MAKE MISTAKES 

This is what strikes me the most. When we were asked what thoughts we fear most on a poster showed to us in our national call, with no hesitations or thinking involved, I typed in those words. I’m having difficulty on facing mistakes and letting people down when I know they look up to me. I want everything to be perfect but I also know that mistakes are inevitable. I just need to do what I want and need to do and everything will fall right into place. As far as I have the right vision and strong passion, I can do everything I want to do.JUST BELIEVE

setting goals 101.xx

Why do people always end up regretting what they did? Maybe because we make a lot of promises when we’re happy and we make harsh decisions when we’re mad? There are some people who’s having a very hard time to determine what they really want, and there are people who set their goals easily but they change it abruptly; It makes me question myself, my wants and my decision making.

I’ve been severely suffering from self doubts and mediocrity. This early/mid 20s age is making me worry about tomorrow and how time flies so fast. Browsing almost all the universities around Toronto and their programs didn’t condole me at all. It just made me realize how much I want to do things but I have only limited time. I know this problem is only for those people who’s deciding on which path to take and not for the people who already have done a bachelors degree, but I feel like I really need to find my true calling.

As the cliche goes, find a job that you love and you won’t work a day, I’m still finding what job I would like. We have so many things in the table yet I’m still undecided which one to pick. I have this one life long dream of becoming a lawyer so I could -not only save the world- argue for a living but what I already have right now is a shining shimmering splendid degree in Information Technology. The dilemma of making my career better is also delaying me on getting my dreams right away.

In the world of operations-slash-IT, every single minute matters. It will sometimes -or most of the time- demand for extra hours of work thus making it much harder to put some focus on part-time studies, but that doesn’t stop an eager learner. I enumerated all the things I want to do in my life and gave it an importance number -you know those things we do in dealing priorities in algorithms,yeah that one. I set some points that would help me to get into that goal, it may not be as detailed as possible but giving me at least a step to take would help me to move forward/closer to where I want/need to be.

So after sitting down for days and thinking what would benefit me, I end up realizing one thing. To get things done, I’m starting new again. Studying is the only thing I want to do right now, wherever my courses will take me for sure, I’ll end up being a lawyer. Everything takes time though I’m not on a rush, I won’t waste a minute dreaming and not doing anything. We have to DO SOMETHING, not just act on impulse but taking into account all the things that really MATTERS. 🙂

Statues, Concretes and Streets of NYC

 

2 days in NYC is not enough. I fell in love with the city the moment I step foot in Manhattan. I’m always a fan of building architectures specially when there are pillars and statues (Who wouldn’t by the way). Manhattan, New York offers a lot of that from 21st inspired buildings to old concretes. I could stare in Wall St. buildings or City hall building for a day or just tour around MET.:) I would definitely go back to NYC this year! MARK IT!

it got away

This is the only way that I could ease away the pain I’m currently feeling. I would never want to  put it in words but I’ve already reached the limit. I think I need to do this to make myself feel light. Few weeks ago, I finally decided that I AM MOVING FORWARD.

I AM MOVING FORWARD. NOT because this is what I want and because I saw the life outside of you, outside of us. No. I’m moving forward because neither you nor I would have the courage to define what’s happening to us. We are too scared to be blamed in the end. We’re too scared to take the leap of faith because none of us would want to be accused of “LEAVING SOMEONE BEHIND”

I AM MOVING FORWARD. Because your actions tells me to do it. You’re proving me that you can’t give anything anymore even the simplest and most basic thing in a relationship. I AM ALWAYS AN OPTION TO YOU. I am your spare time and once you don’t see interest in me, you’ll drop me like a hot potato.

I AM MOVING FORWARD. Not because you don’t love me but because you abused the meaning of love. We use it too often that it finally loses its real meaning. You claim that you love me but your actions doesn’t support your claim. You love me because of the memories that we cannot abandon. You love me to sustain the label of ‘IN A RELATIONSHIP’

I AM MOVING FORWARD because you became too comfortable that I would never leave you, and that no matter how much broken I’d become and whatever awful things you’ll do, I will always come running and fixing things for the sake of not losing you. You were too comfortable that giving up is not included in my option. You take it as an advantage to have a hold of me while you really don’t want to include me in your life.

I AM MOVING FORWARD not because I see that you’re not trying anymore. NO. I know that you’re trying but I also know that deep inside you wouldn’t want to try anymore. You’re now accustomed to your routines and you couldn’t find to squeeze in some time for us.

I AM MOVING FORWARD because you don’t see yourself with me anymore. It’s not that something you could take back after saying, it’s something really important that would leave a mark. It’s something that I couldn’t ignore, something that made my life shatter into pieces because I thought we could be different.

I AM MOVING FORWARD because you care more about how people think of you, of how people will look at you when you finally bid your goodbye. Because you’re giving me reasons to give up so that the burden of the decision will be on me. You care so much about your reputation that my feelings doesn’t matter anymore.

We always believed that we’re for each other. We both took each other for granted and I am guilty for that mistake. I admit everything I did wrong from the very first time we were together but remember that I tried to patch things up but it will never be enough if I’m the only one who’s doing the job. It’s not gonna work if I’m the only one who wants to make everything work. A bicycle won’t go anywhere if the other one stops working.

I could never forgive myself for trying so hard even if I knew that the effort I’m giving is not something that you deserve. You slammed the door for me and I’m trying to knock for a long time but you wouldn’t answer. I hate myself for holding on to the last strand of hope because I’m too blinded by seeing myself with you in the long run, I’m too blinded by the memories we cherished together. I believed that there’s so much more to us, and so much more to share but I forgot that the present is much more important than living in those dreams and memories.

Now, I stopped hoping that there’ll be us again, I stopped hoping to be in your arms anytime soon. I stopped my heart from breaking and I stopped doing the routine. Now, I saved myself from the depression. Now, I’m not afraid to face that this is the reality. The reality that I don’t need a person who makes me feel that I’m not included, that I’m an option and would never be  one of the priorities. You denied me. You denied the person who only wants to love you and be loved by you. You let me slip away. I AM MOVING FORWARD